AITA for asking wife to take “her turn” of parental leave?

Disagreements over parental leave can quickly expose deeper tensions in a marriage. In this case, a couple already raising one child finds themselves divided over how much time each parent should take off work if they decide to have a second baby. What initially appears to be a practical discussion about finances and job security soon becomes more complicated.

What makes the situation more layered is that both partners feel they have already sacrificed a great deal. One emphasizes income stability and career risk, while the other points to ongoing mental, emotional, and physical labor that never truly pauses. As the discussion unfolds on a social network, outside voices weigh in, and an unexpected second perspective shifts how many readers interpret the conflict.

‘AITA for asking wife to take “her turn” of parental leave?’

It all began when the couple started discussing the possibility of having another child.

My wife and I have a child together already. We both work - I have a high pressure corporate job and she runs her own successful small/medium sized charity.

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We are financially comfortable but reliant on my income- I earn 77% of our income and my wife the remaining 23%. When we had our first child, my wife returned...

I took 7 months of parental leave. We are discussing having a second child, and my wife is non-committal about taking parental leave.

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Concerns around job security and finances quickly became central to the poster’s fears.

I have changed roles and do not have the job security to take a substantial amount of parental leave this time around (6 weeks would be the upper maximum).

AITA for asking my wife to commit to taking a substantial amount (3-6 months) of paid parental leave before agreeing to have a second child?

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What followed next added an unexpected layer, as the wife shared her own detailed response.

My fear is that if she doesn’t take leave the responsibility will fall to me to do so, and we will not be able to pay our bills if I...

Edit: there are two sides to every story, so you should read my wife’s version too:

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This couple is not debating whether parental leave matters, but rather how responsibility should be distributed when both careers carry weight. The husband frames his concern around financial survival and job security, fearing that extended leave could jeopardize their household stability. From his perspective, requesting a clearer commitment feels like responsible planning rather than control.

On the other hand, the wife’s response introduces an often-overlooked reality: ongoing labor that extends far beyond official leave periods. Her account emphasizes night shifts, scheduling sacrifices, and professional pressure that does not pause after returning to work. What makes the issue more complex is that both partners feel they are already compromising significantly.

From a broader social standpoint, this reflects a common modern dilemma. Dual-income households often struggle to quantify invisible labor, leading to resentment when one contribution is perceived as more valuable than another. Without aligning expectations and acknowledging each other’s burdens, decisions about expanding a family can amplify existing tension rather than bring unity.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many users supported the poster, emphasizing planning and financial realities.

[Reddit User] − Facts: -She is the one asking for the second child -Her job is not as relevant as OP job and that’s because he pays 77% of everything.

OP took a prolonged leave that he cannot afford for the second child, so he is asking his wife, the one wants the second child, to take the prolonged leave....

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If she wants the second, she need to compromise. I wouldn’t have s__ until you both come to agreement. Ed: OMG thank you for the awards and the upvotes!

Ed2: I just read the wife's response, so I change my verdict to YTA, mainly for presenting the information in the most biased way possible.

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In any case, it is clear that they both resent each other a lot and it seems that they even hate each other, so I ask you to please not...

Agitated-Jellyfish02 − Let's spice this up a little. I'm the wife of Evidence-Obvious and while he showed me this post as he posted it (Good! We need perspectives! ) I...

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I'm honestly not bitter (well maybe just a tad lol) but let's add some more information here: 1. My role is also incredibly high pressured, leading a medium - large...

while our household benefits from his salary, I have 40+ employees who depend on a job that I provide them. We also exist to improve health outcomes of our clients,...

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Economically, my role generates far greater financial and social return for the wider community. 2. On a monthly basis my salary represents approx 35-40% of the NET income.

My husband does get a great bonus once a year, but his post used gross salary figures. He pays a significant amount of tax whereas I don't being in the...

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3. Yes he took 7 months of parental leave, but our child went to daycare from 4 months onwards. .. his remaining 3 months parental leave gave him a chance...

4. I've never said I wasn't committing to taking parental leave, I said I need to decide what is best for my situation. His response was always 'show me a...

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5. I've said that I recognise we would need to outsource help if he still has to work long hours and I'm managing my job, 2 kids, cooking and managing...

but here he said 6 weeks - that's awesome, because he deserves more time with his child, if you can take 6 weeks, why wouldn't you want to (and be...

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7. This post all started when he walked into the room a few hours ago and said he was ready to start thinking about baby #2, we equally want a...

What isn't necessarily mentioned here is how I accept (regretfully) that having a second child means the increased mental and physical load on myself.

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Some facts from our first child: 1. Since the day our child was born, I have done 95% of the night shifts (and still worked a full-time job).

2. I do 70% of the cooking (which sucks because he's a great cook but I do the weekday cooking for the family).

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3. I work full-time but have to leave work early to do the daycare pick up and make up the hours from 9pm - midnight,

meaning I get less sleep than him and more interrupted sleep. So are you an AH for asking me to sacrifice and take "my turn"? Buddy, I have my turn,...

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[Reddit User] − … don’t have a 2nd child. problem solved

aussiegonewest − NTA, you should definitely sort out expectations around caregiving before committing to another child. I don't think you need to frame it as an ultimatum though, just have...

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OhioGirl22 − NTA. .. Are the two of you really on the same page about having a second child? From what you're saying, it doesn't seem like she's into the...

Others offered more balanced or questioning perspectives.

Inconceivable44 − NAH. You have different ideas of leave time following birth. However you need to come to an understanding BEFORE pregnancy.

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C_Majuscula − INFO: Why does one of you need to take parental leave for 3-6 months? Is other childcare not available? Also, who would run the charity in your wife's...

Sophie_Blitz_123 − I mean this isn't really an AH situation, you pretty much said it yourself, if you don't have room in your lives - for whatever reason - for...

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second child, then dont have one. That said, it is kinda strange to me that you NEED her to commit to months off? Why is that?

You would need to figure out a different structure to having a newborn but 6 weeks isn't that short, many people do this both by choice and obligation (no im...

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what is it you're worried about if you both go back to work? If I were you I'd keep an open before having a conversation with her.

Some responses were blunt or light-hearted in tone.

What-tha-fck_Elon − Where are you that you got to take 7 months of parental leave?

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RitaFaye88 − Then DON’T HAVE A SECOND CHILD!!!

This story illustrates how disagreements over parental leave can uncover deeper issues around workload, recognition, and communication. Both partners express valid concerns, yet their differing perspectives reveal unresolved tension that extends beyond a single decision.

Should couples resolve every logistical detail before planning another child, or is flexibility more realistic? How should financial contribution and mental labor be weighed equally? Readers are encouraged to share how they would approach this situation and whether clearer agreements could prevent future conflict.

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