AITA for not wanting my husband's friend to stay with us anymore?

A 29-year-old woman is caught in a tough spot with her husband, Mark, over his friend Dave. At first she agreed to let Dave crash on their couch for a couple of weeks after he lost his job and apartment. Six weeks later, Dave is still there.

Dave isn’t a bad person, but he does almost nothing around the house—spending most days watching TV or playing video games while claiming he’s job hunting. Now that she’s pregnant, she wants to turn the spare room into a nursery, but Dave’s presence makes it impossible. When she told Mark it’s time for Dave to go, he got upset, accusing her of being heartless. She feels guilty, yet believes preparing for their baby should come first. Is she wrong for wanting her home and privacy back?

‘AITA for not wanting my husband’s friend to stay with us anymore?’

It all started innocently enough when Mark asked to help his struggling friend:

Things quickly turned frustrating due to the lack of contribution from Dave:

The real breaking point came with the pregnancy news and the urgent need for space:

The wife has every right to worry about her personal space and getting ready for the baby. Pregnancy naturally brings a strong nesting instinct—wanting to organize the home and create a safe environment for the child—and having an adult take up the spare room for six weeks with zero contribution ramps up the stress dramatically:

On the husband’s side, protecting his friend comes from genuine kindness, but it risks turning into enabling behavior that keeps Dave stuck. Mental health experts stress that real help empowers someone to stand on their own feet, not keeps them comfortable indefinitely. As clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson has pointed out, if your assistance doesn’t lead to progress (or the person refuses to change), it’s often better to stop so you don’t harm both parties (source: discussions around “10 Signs It’s Time to Stop Helping Someone”, Amen Clinics):

Society loves to praise unconditional generosity, but in practice, letting someone lounge on your couch for too long can kill their motivation to find work or housing. Similar stories frequently show that prolonged “rescue” efforts create marital tension when one partner feels their family’s needs are being sacrificed:

Practical advice: Sit down with your husband and agree on a firm deadline—say, another 4–6 weeks depending on the pregnancy stage. During that time, Dave should treat job hunting like a full-time job (starting at 8 a.m., applying, interviewing) and pitch in with chores. If there’s no real progress by the deadline, deliver the news politely but firmly. Pregnancy is a valid reason to prioritize the wife’s mental and physical health. If the husband still resists, the couple should have an honest talk about long-term priorities: a lifelong friend or their growing family.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The online community overwhelmingly sided with the wife, delivering blunt and empathetic responses:

Most people agreed it’s time to set a hard boundary because Dave has become far too comfortable and lost all urgency:

Many comments got even harsher, labeling Dave a leech and saying the husband is prioritizing the wrong person:

Several offered concrete suggestions for setting the boundary and timeline:

Helping friends through hard times is admirable, but without clear limits it can easily strain family life. The wife isn’t being selfish for putting her pregnancy and the baby’s needs first, while the husband is simply trying to be a good friend—both sides have valid feelings.

The key is for the couple to talk openly and find a compromise that respects everyone’s needs. In the end, their growing family has to come first. What do you think about this situation? How long would you give someone in Dave’s position? Have you ever had to ask a long-term guest to leave? Drop your thoughts below—I’d love to hear them!