AITA for skipping study group when a kid is there?

A 20-year-old community college student regularly joins friends for casual study sessions after math class—sessions that double as fun social hangouts with lunch, coffee, and homework. Everything changed when a 10-year-old prodigy enrolled in the same course, bringing her princess backpack, juice boxes, and toys into the mix. While the group welcomed the young girl, especially on days her nanny ran late, the student felt the entire dynamic shift and no longer enjoyed the vibe.

Rather than push through the discomfort, she started skipping the sessions on days the child attended, making excuses about early work shifts. When the girl unexpectedly asked to join on a Friday and the group agreed, the student tried to slip away—only for her friends to call her out, accuse her of immaturity, and claim she hurt the child’s feelings. Now she wonders if avoiding the group makes her the jerk.

‘AITA for skipping study group when a kid is there?’

The routine felt comfortable and enjoyable until an unexpected classmate changed everything.

I'm (20f) a student at a community college. I have math 3 days a week and after class a group of us grabs lunch and coffee and sits down in...

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Honestly it's just as much a social thing as it is academic and it's a lot of fun. A month into the semester, a 10 year old girl joined the...

What complicated the situation was the young girl’s presence turning a relaxed hangout into something unfamiliar.

As smart as she is, she's still a little kid. She has a princess backpack and lunchbox and her backpack has more toys than books.

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Her nanny was constantly late to pick her up and she can't check herself into the campus daycare so someone invited her to join the study group. I'm not a...

Being in the same class as one is weird enough but I'm not going to get coffee (or in her case, a juice box) and hang out with one. I...

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She joins the group on Mondays and Wednesdays so I said that I have to work early on those days and do homework at home. Then on Fridays I joined...

The tension peaked when the child’s unexpected appearance forced a direct choice, leading to confrontation.

Then on Friday she asked if she could join us. Her nanny called in sick so she had to wait on campus until her mom could pick her up.

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The group said yes so I started to leave. Someone asked where I was going so I said I got called in to work early.

Well, that made them figure it out and I got texts from half the group asking if I'm seriously skipping the group because there's a kid there,

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and all calling me immature and saying I hurt baby genius's feelings by not wanting to go to group when she's there.

I told my mom about it and she agrees that it's stupid and immature to miss study group just because there's a kid there. AITA for skipping the group?

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The core issue lies in mismatched expectations: the study group evolved into a casual, adult-oriented hangout where participants value both productivity and relaxed socializing. Introducing a 10-year-old—even a brilliant one—inevitably alters that atmosphere, shifting conversations, humor, and energy in ways that feel jarring to some members. The student isn’t obligated to enjoy or participate in every group dynamic, especially when the sessions serve as much for friendship as for academics. Choosing to opt out quietly on certain days shows an attempt to preserve her own positive experience without confrontation.

On the other side, several observers argue that openly displaying discomfort—particularly through nicknames like “baby genius” and dramatic exits—comes across as unnecessarily unkind toward a child who’s already navigating an adult environment. While no one disputes the right to boundaries, the manner of enforcement matters: abrupt departures can feel exclusionary and hurtful, especially to a young person who may already feel out of place. The broader perspective highlights how college spaces sometimes accommodate gifted minors without fully addressing the social ripple effects on older students, leaving individuals to navigate awkward situations on their own.

Ultimately, the disagreement reveals larger questions about empathy, maturity, and responsibility in mixed-age settings. The student’s frustration is understandable, yet softening her language and attitude could reduce backlash while still protecting her comfort. The group’s reaction suggests they value inclusivity, but pressuring someone to stay risks alienating members who joined for a specific, child-free vibe.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Most commenters agreed the student isn’t wrong to avoid hanging out with a child in her free time, but many criticized her harsh tone and dismissive attitude toward the young girl.

booobutt − Hmm. NAH but also YTA. I get it, I don’t like kids. I have one and I love him but I definitely need a break sometimes. You’re not...

BUT* what does make you TA is how you’re talking about this literal child. The whole tone when you’re talking about her is just mean.

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Of course she has a princess backpack? Of course she has toys? ?? Kids her age who graduated and are already in college do not get much of a childhood,...

I don’t know. It might just be me who feels this way. Even if I don’t like kids, I don’t like adults who treat/talk about kids like they’re a burden....

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BiscuitFPV − You are free to not want to hang out with a kid in your free time so missing the study group does not make you AH. Calling her...

JustRight2 − "Baby genius"? Sounds like you think you got bumped or something. YTA

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bistromike76 − YTA. You're 20 years old referring to a 10 yr old as a "baby genius" whose feelings you hurt. Do you understand how that makes you an AH?

Oneofakindnocategory − You’re not an AH for not wanting to be around a child but YTA for the way you talk about her. You act like she’s a plague upon...

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A smaller number of voices defended the student’s choice more fully, emphasizing that study groups are voluntary and personal learning environments matter.

_mmiggs_ − School-age kids taking a class at community college is common enough. Ten is unusual, but not unheard of - particularly for math, where kids that get it can...

It's clear that most of the group is happy hanging out with the girl after math class. You don't want to spend time with her. You're not obliged to like...

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and so don't want to study with her, I suppose that's OK. Getting up and leaving when she asked to join the group was pretty obvious and pointed, though, and...

ptauger − I have a BA, an MFA, a JD, and I completed my doctoral coursework (though I never wrote my dissertation). I've also taught at the university level.

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I think I have, at least, an informed opinion about studying and study groups. :) I am, frankly, surprised at the hostility shown to the OP.

The environment for learning is as important as the quality of instruction, and that includes study groups. A relaxed, social study group is, for many people (including myself), an important...

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A 10-year old may have the intellectual ability to master the material but, when it comes to a study group, may not have sufficient emotional or social maturity to participate...

This has nothing to do with feeling "threatened" as some posters have claimed. If, as the OP writes, the dynamic of the study group is changed to the point where...

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there is absolutely nothing wrong with her absenting herself from it. This has nothing to do with compassion, or the lack of it. Her "job" as a student is to...

It is not her responsibility to assist a young child at her own educational expense. She did not insult the child, and either simply didn't attend when she knew the...

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In NYC in junior high, we had a program called "SP" for "Special Progress. " It allowed children to skip 8th grade, going directly from 7th to 9th grade. I...

Since the consequence of being in SP meant graduating high school a year earlier than normal, and then being one year younger than college classmates in the same year,

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the parents of the SP kids were consulted as to whether their kids possessed sufficient emotional and social maturity to succeed, and this addressed only a ONE YEAR age difference.

It is up to the parents of the child in the OP's study group to make that determination for their daughter; it is not the OP's obligation to compensate for...

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I fully understand the OP's frustration. In my opinion, she is definitely NTA. If anyone is an AH, it is the parents of the young girl for either misjudging their...

[Reddit User] − I will say YTA for your attitude regarding the girl being there. Have you considered that this is a scary thing for the girl to be in...

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However. ... I commend your way of going about minimizing the issue so as not to create a huge issue, but the girl is there for the same reason you...

The socializing is an added bonus. Lastly, the nanny that is supposed to pick up the girl is an AH though, as well as the parents for not handling it,...

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The parents should figure that out and not have to rely on the kindness of other students. You are not childcare.

A few responses added lighter or sarcastic notes, poking fun at the absurdity while still addressing the core discomfort.

MbMinx − YTA. You're acting like a mean girl in middle school, leaving the lunch table because "she" showed up. Your disdain for this girl is spewed a over this...

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This kid has done nothing to you - except exist. She ruins your vibe? Welcome to life. Time to learn how to get along and work with people you don't...

On the flip side, the only person you are hurting by not going to study group is YOU. Study on your own, then, or stay in your lane. Leave the...

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No_Reception8456 − I'm still struggling to comprehend the fact that this child is taking classes on a college campus, and no one is there immediately after to pick her up....

they literally left it to the child to find something to do while she waits. ..on a college campus! They need to find a new nanny if u ask me

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This scenario illustrates how quickly a comfortable group routine can feel disrupted by an unexpected addition, especially when age differences alter the social energy everyone signed up for. While the student’s preference to skip certain days is valid, the way discomfort was expressed sparked stronger backlash than quietly stepping back might have.

Have you ever been in a study group or friend hangout where someone new changed the entire feel of it? How did you handle wanting to keep participating without seeming rude—or do you think it’s okay to just opt out when the vibe no longer works for you?

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