Aitah for going NC with my daughter due to my wife?

A father made the difficult decision to cut off contact with his adult daughter after years of ongoing conflict involving his wife. According to him, the tension began long before the wedding ultimatum and included repeated attempts by his daughter to provoke, undermine, and discredit his spouse.

The situation reached a breaking point when the daughter allegedly fabricated evidence of an affair by impersonating someone else and using his wife’s phone. Despite this, the wife chose not to escalate the situation and simply asked to disengage from the daughter. When the daughter later demanded her father attend her wedding without his wife, he chose to stand by his marriage. The decision has since sparked debate over loyalty, boundaries, and parental responsibility.

‘Aitah for going NC with my daughter due to my wife?’

The conflict began with long-standing resentment and repeated attempts to provoke tension.

My daughter who is 26 has always hated my wife. My wife and I are 43. My wife came into my daughter's life when she was an adult. My daughter...

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My wife and my ex are good friends and my ex cut off our daughter 2 years ago for her behaviour and because according to my ex, my daughter was...

Things escalated after a serious act of deception aimed at destroying the marriage.

Her sister is a therapist and has told me this too, but I was always hesitent to cut her off. My daughter took my wife's phone and wrote a text...

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created this ENTIRE convversation with herself to make it look like my wife was having an affair, and told me that my wife was cheating on me which was a...

My wife found out and did not make a big deal out of it but made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with my daughter anymore but would...

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The final break came over a wedding invitation and an ultimatum.

Now my daughter is getting married to her long time boyfriend, did not invite my wife- it's your wedding so you do you.

I told her that my wife and I were a package deal and it's common courtesy to invite a MARRIED couple. My wife and I had a daughter together last...

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I never pressured my daughter to have a relationship with her sister and she made it clear that she didn't. Now she's saying that if i don't come to her...

my ex wife- her mother told me that it's best if i just cut her off myself and that it's stupid that i keep subjecting my wife to our daughters...

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I kind of agre so we did just that. We have not had contact with her for 6 months now. am I the a__hole for cutting off my daughter.. edit:...

In this situation, the father describes a pattern of behavior that includes provocation, manipulation, and deliberate deception. The act of impersonating another person and fabricating an affair goes beyond interpersonal disagreement and moves into intentional sabotage. From a relational standpoint, his wife’s response was restrained, choosing disengagement rather than escalation, which suggests the boundary was not reactionary but protective.

Opposing perspectives may argue that cutting off a child, regardless of age, should be a last resort and that mental health struggles complicate accountability. Some may see multiple family members labeling the daughter as narcissistic without a formal diagnosis as concerning. However, what makes the situation more complicated is that therapy had already been ongoing for years, and multiple relatives independently reached similar conclusions after sustained exposure to the behavior.

From a broader social perspective, the father’s decision reflects shifting expectations around marriage and parental loyalty. When adult children demand exclusivity that undermines a parent’s spouse, the conflict becomes a choice between enabling harm or enforcing limits. His decision suggests prioritizing the emotional safety of his household, including a young child, over maintaining contact at any cost.

Check out how the community responded:

Many users supported the decision, pointing to consistent patterns and shared concern across family members.

HelloAll-GoodbyeAll − NTA, the fact that your ex and current wife get on, and that your ex supports you cutting her off shoes that it's your daughter who is in...

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ny_dc_tx_ − NTA. While narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition she is not doing her part to use tools she finds in therapy.

Creating a full fake discussion to frame your wife is horrible. Sometimes those people need to be cut off. I say this as someone with very low contact with their...

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WhiteKnightPrimal − NTA. It says a lot that your ex had already cut her out. Your ex SIL agrees with doing so. I saw your comments about these issues existing...

You could force her to go to therapy as a kid, but you've never been able to force her to get the help she needs.

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She was always free to ignore her therapist, or just not talk about her actual issues which prevents the therapist addressing them all on its own. Now that she's an...

You've put up with this behaviour for a long time, you tried to help her when she was younger, and you now have a young child to think about on...

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It's not going to be healthy for your young child to be subjected to the toxic big sister that wants nothing to do with them, just as it's not healthy...

Your daughter has already said she's willing to cut you off if you don't attend her wedding without your wife, so she's telling you that you're not important to her...

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Take that as permission to do the cutting off first, you've done and put up with all that you can, it's time to let her go completely. And I hope...

Spygirl_112358 − NTA. If your ex-wife and ex-SIL (if I read correctly) have cut her off, even after years of therapy, think you need to stay NC.

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siouxbee1434 − Listen to your ex, there is no need to tolerate your daughter’s toxicity

Some commenters raised concerns while still acknowledging the difficulty of the situation.

Equivalent_Lemon_319 − “ex cut off our daughter 2 years ago for her behaviour and because according to my ex my daughter was a narcissist” I don’t doubt your wife,

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but this is reading off as two parents who had a daughter with a legit personality disorder, that decided to cut her off in adulthood rather than try to look...

TheSassiestPanda − NTA and ignore the comments demanding you somehow force your adult daughter to go to therapy. What reality do these people exist in? Try that and she’ll tell...

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Others reacted bluntly, emphasizing protection of the immediate family.

NamasteNoodle − My ex is in this position and he struggled with it for years and finally realized that he needed to put his foot down and tell his daughter...

She's not speaking to him or I anymore because of our boundaries and not wanting to put up with her abuse. Your allegiance is with your wife.

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I would say if you had a troubled teenager it would be a different situation but your daughter's an adult and she knows exactly what she's doing.

She can either learn to respect you and your wife or she can find a great therapist or she can figure it out herself but she doesn't need access to...

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Dubzz_1976 − I’m sorry, but your daughter’s behavior is extremely toxic. Even her own mother cut her off, and her sister has called her a narcissist too.

She openly hates your wife and deliberately taunts her. She went as far as stealing your wife’s phone and fabricating a conversation to make it look like your wife was...

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You have an almost one-year-old daughter, and she’s said she wants nothing to do with her little sister, who has done absolutely nothing wrong.

On top of that, she’s threatening to cut you off unless you attend her wedding alone, without your wife. I’ve said a lot here, and honestly, there isn’t a single...

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So I genuinely have to ask, after she tried to destroy your marriage and has no interest in being part of her little sister’s life, why would you even want...

Own_Opportunity_4487 − Your daughter is toxic and mentally unstable as a father myself. I can’t imagine the pain that you’re going through but for your sake, your wife’s sake and...

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This story presents a painful example of how long-term family conflict can culminate in permanent distance. After years of escalating behavior and a final ultimatum, the father chose to protect his marriage and younger child rather than continue exposing his household to hostility. The decision reflects a belief that boundaries still apply, even between parents and adult children.

Is cutting off an adult child ever justified when harmful behavior persists? Should parents prioritize reconciliation at all costs, or is there a point where disengagement becomes necessary? Readers are invited to share how they would navigate loyalty, responsibility, and self-protection in a similar situation.

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