AITAH for threatening to call off my wedding?

Three years into a relationship and six months into an engagement, this groom-to-be believed he was building a stable future with the woman he loved. Despite lingering trust issues and past conflicts involving family and friends, he convinced himself that commitment and time would smooth everything out. Wedding plans were moving forward, finances were intertwined, and he was supporting most of their shared lifestyle.

That fragile sense of security collapsed when a broken phone led to an accidental discovery. What he found wasn’t a misunderstanding or a single bad decision, but weeks of deception that forced him to question not only his upcoming marriage, but his own judgment. As emotions spiraled, one difficult conversation turned into a threat that would change everything.

AITAH for threatening to call off my wedding?

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Lingering trust issues had already shaped the relationship long before the engagement

I 29 (M) have been dating my fiancè (26F) who I'll call Sara, for three years now and engaged for six months. Sara and I haven't always had the best...

Last year she said my mother said some n__ty remarks about her and it turned out to be untrue. When I confronted Sara she said and I quote "You're always...

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Sara has never liked my mother since I spend a lot of time, and money on her. My mother has also insulted her by insinuating Sara was a homewrecker to...

Their relationship began under awkward circumstances that damaged outside trust

Me and Sara had gotten together when my ex-girlfriend and I were going through a rough patch and I do admit she was sort of my girl best friend.

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My ex never liked her and when me and my ex broke up, me and Sara began dating a few weeks later. My whole friend group thought I cheated on...

I tried to clear my name and things were sort of good again with my friends but awkward. No one really trusted me or Sara anymore so we inevitably drifted...

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A broken phone led to an accidental discovery that changed everything

Now to the main part of the story. Last week I had broken my phone and was using her Ipad to watch youtube, I wasn't snooping but a text came...

and when I saw a winking emoji I got curious. It was two weeks of flirty texts, ranging from "Good morning love" to nudes, to the worst of it me....

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I was pretty upset and honestly shocked. Sara didn't seem like the type of girl to cheat. I cried for a long while before I tried to do anything.

I spent most of the day drinking and called out of work the next day. I was so glad me and Sara didn't live together yet. I mostly feel betrayed...

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Sara explained once we were married she'd stop working her waitress job, but she stopped working a year into dating. I have a high paying job which meant this was...

Confrontation came suddenly, and the reaction only made things worse

After a few days of nothing from me, she came over unannounced. I opened the door and felt sick when I saw her. I couldn't understand why, or how she...

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Sara started yelling about how upset she was until I told her I knew. Immediately she started crying, saying how I had to forgive her, and to trust her again.

I said I wasn't sure if I could, and I wanted to call off the wedding, thats when she exploded. Sara yelled and yelled about how awful I was for...

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How would she tell her family and friends? I asked her the same thing, but I was too upset and told her to get out.

Doubt, guilt, and fear quickly took over after she shut him out

Now I'm feeling really s__tty because I was really harsh. I texted her that we should talk again and I wouldn't call off the wedding but the trust I had...

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She replied angrily that if I was going to be like that she didn't want to talk to me. I did forgive her and now I'm scared she might not...

A later conversation uncovered even more uncomfortable truths

TLDR; My Fiancè cheated on me, I threatened to call off the wedding and now she won't talk to me. Was it that bad? Compared to what she did.. ​.

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Small update here: First I want to say thank you so much for the support, I see now I am probably not the a__hole. Secondly I want to say everything...

I had the inkling that “Sara” may have been manipulating me. So she thinks we have been good, and me calling her to come meet me to talk presumably about...

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When she came over this morning, I had her explain who was Josh, and what happened. Josh is her neighbor, I know Josh I’ve seen him around.

I didn’t realize these two Josh’s must have been the same person since Josh is essentially a discord mod, you know the type. I lost all respect for her in...

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The biggest issue is now Sara has my great grandmothers ring and she refuses to give it back. I stopped most of my cards so she can't use them but...

When trust collapses this close to a wedding, emotional whiplash is almost guaranteed. In this situation, the groom wasn’t reacting to a single mistake, but to a pattern: dishonesty, manipulation, financial dependence, and public mockery. Relationship experts often point out that infidelity paired with contempt is one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship failure.

Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute has said that contempt — mocking, ridicule, and disrespect — is “the single greatest predictor of divorce.” The messages mocking the groom crossed far beyond physical betrayal and directly attacked emotional safety, which is essential for marriage.

It’s also common for people in emotionally dependent relationships to reverse blame inward. Instead of asking whether the relationship is healthy, they ask whether their reaction was too harsh. This self-doubt can keep people stuck, especially when finances and future plans are already intertwined.

From a practical standpoint, experts recommend slowing everything down. Canceling or postponing a wedding isn’t punishment; it’s a protective step. Rebuilding trust requires transparency, accountability, and time — none of which can happen under the pressure of an upcoming ceremony. In cases like this, walking away isn’t cruelty. It’s self-preservation.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Many users strongly supported calling off the wedding and leaving the relationship

Electronic_Fox_6383 − Why do you want her to take you back, lol? She's cheating on you before you're even married! What about this makes you think, "Wow, sign me up....

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IllustratorSea8372 − Why do you still want to be with her? Cheating on you, driving a wedge between you and your family, freeloading… you should walk away. It’s not going...

irishstorm04 − DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! Seriously Dude have some self respect. You sound like you are smart have a good job that pays well and you have your...

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There is nothing about her that says you should marry her. give her back her s__t, cut her off, grieve the relationship, and move on. You can do better and...

berninbush − NTA for threatening to call the wedding off. You're nuts for taking her back. I was cheering for this relationship to be over by the fourth sentence of...

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Every sentence after that just built a mountain of confirmation on top. I can't BELIEVE you are contemplating still marrying this woman. Please, please, break it off and block her...

BeckyW77 − Dear god, NTA. Now you see your fiancé real character! She made fun of you and cheated on you. You're just a big ATM for her. Drop her...

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Others focused on the emotional damage and urged therapy and distance

starrgazer17 − she was soberly and decisively cheating on you. not only that, but making fun of you? and trying to separate you from family?

and you’re paying for everything? all around. you can forgive her but not get back with her. she sounds very selfish and some of these behaviors are narcissistic.

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ThisReport877 − I can't believe after everything you listed, you only *threatened* to call off the wedding. Get yourself into therapy and figure out why you're so intent on self-sabotaging...

caktz489032 − You guys started on a sketchy foot and she clearly doesn’t value monogamous relationships. You should get some therapy, block her and get her out of your life.

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(To be clear I don’t know that you actually value monogamous relationships either or if you just value emotional dependency)

TodayThrowaway1979 − YTA but to yourself. She doesn’t care about you. She is using you as an ATM all the while laughing about you with her real boyfriend behind your...

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Do you realize that she has most likely used money you gave her to buy things or do things with him? Seriously, RUN.

qtcyclone − NTA. She’s a cheating gold-digger. Quit work before marriage and she’s a kept woman? I can see where this is going. Get out before you have a massive...

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Some readers responded with blunt humor and tough-love honesty

Crazycatalpacalady − What the hell? She has insulted you, lied to you, cheated on you, is abusive to you and is using you for money.

For your own sanity and well being call off the wedding, cut contact, block her, see a therapist and move on. **NTA for what you did but you will be...

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sportjames23 − Dude, grow a spine.

kenzkie98 − When she asked what she would tell her family/friends, the correct response was “ask Josh to help you”. You deserve much better.

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jmark26 − YTA- If you stay. You caught her lying about your mom and her response was to admit it and tell you it was intentionally to put a wedge...

If you marry her she'll say you raped her or abused her somehow and get you jailed. .. She is obviously taking advantage of you, is this what you want...

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DeliciousWarthog53 − NTA. Bro, she sharpened another guy's pencil. Get out while the getting is good.

This situation wasn’t just about a threat made in anger. It exposed deeper issues that had been ignored for too long. Infidelity, financial imbalance, manipulation, and disrespect all surfaced at once, forcing a reckoning that no wedding date could fix. Was threatening to call off the wedding an overreaction — or the first clear moment of self-respect? What would you do in his place?

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