During the course of our conversation, she continually expressed her regret by saying, “I am so sorry.” “I do not believe that I am a horrible guy. Every time I think about what I did to you, I come back to it. For some reason, I decided to go with you.'”
It is possible that the fact that studies have demonstrated that victimization by peers can have long-term impacts would not come as a surprise to you if you were bullied or ostracized when you were a kid or a teenager. There is no doubt that this has been the case for me.
The low-grade depression, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy and underachievement that I have lived with for decades have persisted despite the fact that I have been in treatment for all of those years. Although I will not claim that my mental health problems are solely a result of the bullying I experienced in school, I will say that those experiences, together with my lifelong shyness, hypersensitivity, and self-consciousness, which made me an ideal target for bullying and exclusion, have left an indelible mark on me.
At that Time When I was putting off my job in 2019
While I was putting off my job in 2019, I found myself thinking about a girl who had rejected me when I was in the seventh grade. Every time I thought about the rejection, it continued to hurt my feelings. I was curious as to whether or not she realized how she had severed our friendship and whether or not she had any remorse.
Instantaneously, I had a thought.
Why not conduct interviews with my former classmates from middle school and high school, including not only the individuals who bullied me but also all of my female classmates, including those who bullied, those who bullied, and those who seemed to be neither of these things, to learn about their experiences with the social scene around the time that we were growing up in our town in Westchester, New York? The unease I had about getting in touch with folks who, in some cases, I hadn’t talked to in forty years was pushed aside since it seemed like such a fantastic idea to me.
The social media made it Easy to Search my Classmates
The use of social media made it simple for me to locate a significant number of my old classmates. I began sending them letters in which I described my initiative and inquired as to whether or not they would be prepared to take part in it.
As soon as I reached out to them, several of the women answered right away. Although there were some individuals who asserted that they did not recall much about those years, there were others who were excited and informed me that they had a lot to provide.
Up to this point, I have conducted interviews with close to thirty individuals, and I want to do interviews with a great number of more individuals.
Sometimes people bully other people because they themselves are being bullied by another person. Without a doubt, this was the situation with one of my former classmates whom I had called. During my time in middle school, they had been persistently harassing me. In the beginning, she was on the fence about talking to me.
My post on Facebook was disregarded by her
My original post on Facebook was disregarded by her, but when I repeated it, she responded with a reply that said, “Simone, I hope everything is going well with you.” Regarding my participation in this, I find it a bit challenging. I did not always treat you with kindness. Sincerely, I am sorry about it.
My response was to reassure her that I was interviewing all of the women in our class and that she was not being singled out for special attention. After some time had passed, I was taken aback when I discovered that my phone was ringing. Previously, he had been my bully.
During the course of our conversation, she continually expressed her regret by saying, “I am so sorry.” “I solemnly vow that I am not a horrible guy. Every time I think about what I did to you, I come back to it. I have no idea why I decided to use you.
“My home life was a living hell for me.” I might have been able to assume that my fellow student came from a problematic past, but hearing it from her own lips made all the difference. She disclosed some of the traumatic experiences that she had gone through. Not only was I finally able to forgive her, but I also hope that I was able to assist her in forgiving herself.
When I found out that many of the girls who were considered to be “popular” had to pay a significant price in order to keep their social position, I was taken aback. One of the former cheerleaders shared with me that the girls in her group were so cruel to one another that she developed a deep-seated mistrust of other women as she grew older. When I asked her about it, she said, “I didn’t have a real female friend until I was 43.”
Another lady, whom I had also thought to be popular, intelligent, and attractive, discovered early on that “loneliness was bad and I’d have to sacrifice to have friends.” That was the lesson that she learnt. When she was in seventh school, she related a tale of being a member of a group that did not include a fellow student. “I was responsible, and I believe that I immediately and forever believed it was a flaw that I possessed as an individual.
The act was terrible, and even after all these years, I continue to feel horrible about it. After then, the lady who had been ostracized from the group phoned the member of the group to apologize for hurting her. She subsequently shared with me that the contact had provided both of them with a significant sense of relief.
I had conversations with perhaps five female students who had been really athletic during their time in middle school and high school. With regard to the management of the social pressures that they encountered during childhood and adolescence, each and every one of them stated that their athleticism acted as a protective element.
They were able to break down barriers between the cliques that existed at school because they played on teams with members of other buddy groups. Being strong at sports helped them feel more confident and broke down barriers between the cliques.
People did not pick on me because I was recognized for my abilities
The following is what a lady who had transferred to our school in the ninth grade said with me: “I believe that I had a certain amount of confidence because I was a swimmer.” People did not pick on me because I was recognized for my abilities, which gave me credibility and prevented me from being picked on.
An more athlete related a heartwarming anecdote about their time spent serving as the team captain in gym class. She recalled how, whenever we were selecting teams, there was always one girl in our grade who was selected last. “I don’t know why, but every once in a while I made the decision to choose [that girl] first. If I turn my head back, I can still make out the grin that was on her face. My life was altered on that day. It helped me see that winning was not the most important thing in the world.
As a result of my chats with a few of my classmates, I was able to establish that a significant number of the females who seemed to have their life under control and even be prospering suffered from the same challenges that the rest of us did.
I believed she was one of the most attractive, athletic, and well-liked students in our class. She stated, “I always felt like an outcast, like a little brown mouse.” I thought she was one of the most popular students. My seventh-grade dance is something I will never forget. I informed her that I was particularly enthusiastic about the attire that I was wearing. When I walked in, I saw a bunch of girls laughing and staring at me from head to toe.
I recall being amazed by their behavior. After what felt like an eternity, the dance came to a halt, and I became aware of how unsuited I was. At that moment, I had the idea, “I am so out of touch; I am so uncool.” I went to the restroom and sobbed my heart out. Next, I dialed my mother’s number, and she ended up coming to pick me up. To this day, I still have the impression that I am unable to put together my outfits.
It was difficult to find some of the ladies who had been bullied the most severely. They were the victims of the most severe bullying. I had the assumption that many of them did not wish to be discovered and had made the decision to relocate their childhoods and adolescences to a distant location and never return. Nevertheless, I was successful in locating a couple of them.
I detested my time spent at school…
The following is what one woman shared with me: “I detested my time spent at school and was subjected to severe bullying… My opinion was that we were thought to be the “hippies,” and that we had a type of stigma along with it. It wasn’t until I entered high school that I found a group of individuals who shared my beliefs.
Another female student stated that she had been tormented on several occasions throughout her time in elementary and middle school. “My mother told me to ‘turn the other cheek,’ but that didn’t work,” she added. “I tried every possible solution.” “I had no way to stand up for myself, and at that age, children don’t stand up for each other,” she said. After dropping out of school and running away when she was in the ninth grade, she ultimately found herself attending a private school, where the bullying was much more severe.
According to her, the children at a third school were having problems. Eventually, I turned into a bully, and I would kick people with my clogs. As I was being suspended, I recalled thinking to myself, “Now I’m the one who is strong.”
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