AITA for getting drunk instead of babysitting my cousins?

At a big family reunion in a rural German house surrounded by open fields, a 17-year-old girl expected to finally join the adults in their drinking tradition. Instead, she faced a harsh double standard that left her feeling singled out and unfairly treated. What started as an assumption of ongoing responsibility quickly turned into conflict when she decided to enjoy the night like her older cousins had.

The situation escalated when the kids were sent her way anyway, leading to accusations of neglect despite her walking them straight back to their parents. Now the family has shifted the duty to even younger relatives while giving alcohol to a 13-year-old, highlighting what many see as blatant hypocrisy.

‘AITA for getting drunk instead of babysitting my cousins?’

It all began with a long-standing family custom at these annual reunions.

I (17F) am on holiday at a family reunion. Every year we rent out a big house as a whole family. We are currently in a rural town in Germany...

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For years, she carried the load without complaint.

Ever since I was 12 I’ve been in charge of looking after my cousins in the night at family reunions because I’m the most responsible and all the adults get...

I had older cousins who were 13-17 but I was the most responsible. Usually there’s a tradition in my family that once you’re 17 you get to join the family...

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When her turn came, the rules suddenly changed.

All my older cousins got the opportunity to. I’m now 17 so I assumed I’d be allowed to join the adults but no yesterday I was told not to drink...

I wasn’t babysitting at the time and never agreed to babysit. So I took some anyway and got drunk on my own. Then my cousins come to be asking to...

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They said they told them to come be with me I said I’m not well go back to them. So I go back with them. The family then see I’m...

(I was not acting in any erratic way and they have seen several drunk people before including my older cousins) This morning they were saying I neglected them and they...

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So today they have been keeping the kids away from me even though I’m sober now obviously but they are keeping me away from them and saying that my 14...

and 13 year old cousin are now responsible for them because I can’t be trusted. But I come to find out that my 13 year old cousin has been GIVEN...

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Because my sister doesn’t drink so she can look after them for tonight. I feel like the whole family hate me but idk. Maybe I might be the a__hole because...

TL;DR I’m usually expected to babysit my cousins but wasn’t asked so just got drunk but it turned out I was expected to babysit.

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This situation reveals a classic case of uneven expectations within a large extended family. The 17-year-old has shouldered unsupervised childcare since age 12 during these reunions, stepping up while adults indulged freely. When she reached the age for the drinking tradition, the family blocked her participation, likely to keep her available as the reliable sitter, even without asking her directly.

What makes the story more complicated is the glaring inconsistency: the same relatives who condemned her drinking handed alcohol to a 13-year-old cousin to enable the 14-year-old sister to take over supervision. In Germany, beer and wine are legally accessible from 16 without parental supervision, and even younger with permission in some cases, so the 17-year-old’s actions aligned with both family tradition and local norms. The outrage seems less about child safety and more about losing a convenient free service.

Opposing views might argue that knowing the pattern, she could have communicated her refusal clearly upfront or stayed sober to avoid any risk. However, the broader perspective shows a young woman asserting her right to enjoy a milestone others received, exposing how gender and reliability often lead to disproportionate burdens on one family member. Families thrive on mutual respect, not one-sided sacrifices.

See what others had to share with OP:

Many users fully supported the poster, highlighting how unfair it was to keep expecting her to babysit after she finally reached the drinking age in family tradition.

Rude_Bag_4556 − NTA. You are now an adult (acording to the traditions), the torch of kid supervising has now been handed to the oldest under 17 my 14 year old...

and 13 year old cousin are now responsible for them because I can’t be trusted Of course you can't because you can drink now,

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and the younger ones can't, that's the deal! You've been doing this since you were 12, they can't punish you for doing a good job.

If the family feel they can't trust the 13 and 14 year olds, that seems like a them-problem, and one of them will have to stay sober instead of changing...

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hushnecampus − NTA You never agreed to be their free baby sitting service. You owe them nothing.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You followed the tradition and can legally buy and consume certain types of alcohol at that age in Germany without any parental consent.

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Edit: I just looked at your post history OP. I had issues with alcohol at 17 as well. To put it bluntly, legally, you can do this (just like I...

No-Structure-9699 − NTA at all. Are you “most responsible” or just a female? If you can tell me your older cousins who were able to drink are female then fine.

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You still aren’t the AH. Your family is just rude. You’re allowed to have fun. It isn’t fair to always be on kid duty.

throwaway_ArBe − 17 year olds should be having fun, not parenting. NTA enjoy your booze

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A few commenters offered more neutral or balanced perspectives, suggesting she could have been more direct while still agreeing the family was out of line.

demonqueerxo − NTA. The amount of people commenting on this post shaming regarding alcohol usage… America isn’t the only place in the world. Other countries have different societal normals. In...

nwingsbaton − nta It wasn't fair for you to have that responsibility. Plus, nothing happened to your cousins

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mlc885 − NTA You probably should have said you definitely were not doing it. Then take the kids to their parents or your parents and leave the kids with them.

A couple of responses added a lighter or slightly cheeky tone to break the seriousness of the discussion.

bunhuelo − NTA for the story you're posting here but looking at your post history it's a bit weird to claim you're having an alcohol problem in r/a__oholism and then...

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your extended family can't force you to be an unwilling, unpaid babysitter. You didn't just abandon their kids, you walked them back to their parents.

The parents are responsible for their own kids. Either they need to HIRE a babysitter, or, ya I don't know, maybe *not get shitfaced drunk and take care of their...

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They absolutely can *ask* you if you're willing to babysit. Better yet offer to pay you. But you are 100% within your rights to decline.

In the end, the overwhelming consensus on the social network leans toward the 17-year-old not being at fault—she followed established family traditions, never explicitly agreed to babysit this time, and ensured the kids were returned safely to their parents despite the surprise expectation.

This situation raises interesting questions about family roles and fairness: Have you ever been stuck with unspoken responsibilities at gatherings, and how did you handle it? Would you continue attending reunions if the same patterns persisted, or set firmer boundaries next time?

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