AITA for telling my brother I won't bully his daughter and son for him?

Losing a child is devastating, but one family is dealing with even deeper pain after the death of a 22-year-old son (AJ) who had cut off contact with his father due to the father’s affair and remarriage. AJ left a will that deliberately excluded his father and half-siblings, leaving his possessions to his mother, full siblings (CJ, 21M, and Alice, 19F), and his newborn son.

The father, upset at being kept in the dark about AJ’s illness, pregnancy, and funeral, now wants his older children to give his younger kids “trinkets” to remember AJ by. When they refused, he pressured his brother to “do whatever it takes” to convince them. The brother refused, saying he won’t bully his grieving niece and nephew. Now the family is divided, and the brother is wondering if he’s the asshole for standing up for AJ’s wishes and protecting his siblings. Is he wrong for refusing to help?

‘AITA for telling my brother I won’t bully his daughter and son for him?’

The man explained the family background and AJ’s estrangement:

AJ’s death and will:

The brother’s request and pressure:

Grief is complex, and experts in family therapy and bereavement emphasize that adult children have the absolute right to set boundaries with parents, including going no contact, especially after betrayal like infidelity. AJ’s decision to exclude his father from his life, illness, funeral, and will was a clear and deliberate boundary that should be respected. Pressuring grieving siblings to give up personal items from their deceased brother—against his explicit wishes—is disrespectful and can cause further trauma.

The brother’s request to “do whatever it takes” to get items for his younger children crosses into manipulation and boundary violation. Experts note that this behavior often stems from unresolved guilt or a desire to rewrite the narrative of the relationship. The man’s refusal to bully his niece and nephew is not only ethical but protective—he is honoring AJ’s final wishes and shielding his siblings from additional emotional harm.

In situations of estrangement and grief, experts recommend that the parent accept the consequences of their actions rather than seeking to control or extract from those they’ve hurt. The younger children may one day want to know about their half-brother, but forcing contact or possessions now is inappropriate. The man is right to prioritize the grieving siblings’ autonomy and AJ’s memory over his brother’s demands.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The community overwhelmingly supported the man, calling him NTA and praising him for protecting his niece and nephew. Opinions were grouped into clear threads.

Many said he’s honoring AJ’s wishes and protecting the grieving siblings:

A large group called the brother selfish and manipulative:

Several criticized the brother for trying to force connection through possessions:

Some suggested warning AJ’s partner about potential contact:

This story highlights the lasting pain of infidelity and estrangement. Most agree the man is right to stand by AJ’s wishes and protect his grieving siblings.

What do you think—would you have refused to help like he did, or tried to find a compromise? Share your thoughts below!